Another Proposal...

Seriously…WHAT IS WRONG with these people these days…I got another proposal…and this one was like an arranged marriage proposal…the guy is a doctor...his parents are looking for someone with a job within the same caste, blabla…and as I happened to qualify…they sent a proposal to my parents.  My mum is all thrilled; she is so excited as if SHE is getting married…they are nearly FORCING ME to say yes…I SAY FUCK THEM…

I have plans for my future and I am not even remotely ready to be married… then I hear these arguments from (my mum, dad, uncle, aunty…LOTS of family members);

• Why are you waiting?
• You can continue to study after marriage?
• You are missing a great opportunity!
• You are going to be an old single lonely woman!
• If you marry him you will not have to work…he got enough money to keep you happy!
• He is a good boy!
• He is handsome!
• You think you will get a proposal like that after you accomplish whatever you’ve currently planned?
• Do you have anyone else in your life?
• You think your boyfriend (if ever you have one) can give you all these things?

MAN this is going on since yesterday…My issue is not that I have a boyfriend… its just bizarre to end up in an arranged marriage..+ the guy is 28 years old…MAN YOU ARE 28 YEARS OLD AND YOU DID NOT FIND A GIRLFRIEND BY YOURSELF YET?? Seriously what is wrong with this guy? Or he may be mommy’s son that he listens to all the orders she gives to him…

plus I heard he is a very religious guy…well sorry BUT I AM NOT…I mean I am not the devil also, I go to pray from time to time and when there are religious functions I attend (IF IT IS IMPORTANT TO ME) but that’s it…nothing more…

I was so down that I smoked 3 cigarettes early morning, I had to cancel my tattoo and piercing appointment because some shit head in my family is spying on me to see if I am dating someone, and he is probably going to follow me…I ate solid today out of depression (I am an emotional eater pfft).

Whatever happens I am going to say NO…I simply cannot do this.. plus I am going to apply for immigration this November (I want to run away and GET A LIFE, a REAL one).  I hope everything goes well and fast for immigration…I am waiting till November because I need more points in terms of experience ( 2 years on 1^st November), I need to score maximum in language (French and English) and I need to save money…currently all my money is going to pay for my IT course and after that (September) I can start saving for immigration…Oh my life is hell.

Enough of me.. so how you’ve been?

THE Crush...

God…today one of my best pals in office told me that he loves me… WOAW…I mean I knew he had something for me (his behaviour towards me clearly showed that there was something…) I will call him MR.B .

 So Mr.B is one of my seniors...he sends e-mails daily to practically everyone in IT department and some people he knows in other departments or even outside the company…his daily e-mails are like philosophical mails, talking about life, health, news in the company, birthdays and jokes.  And everyone has been noticing that ever since I joined the company, he started sending more mails about ‘L.O.V.E’ and I sometimes got the feeling that some of his mails are indirectly addressed to me…

Things like…he always brings chocolate early morning and leaves it on my desk before I come, he waits for me when we have a meeting or have to go somewhere, he cares more than a simple friend/colleague, and all this time I was reassuring myself by thinking ..’naaa his just a friend being nice to me!!!’ well for all the die-hard fans of TV series FRIENDS …do you remember when Ross was arguing with Rachel? About men are not nice to you for nothing… when Mr. B told me that he has a thing for me today…I literally thought that my boyfriend would say the same thing to me…. I won’t tell him because I know he is going to say that I should not get close to other men blabla…and I know it was not my fault that guy fell for me….

One thing for sure…IF Mr. B was younger (he is 10 years older than me …hmmm), was from same religion (not that I am great religious being or something…I just find it useless to fight my family to be with someone…and you have the support of no one when you are in a couple), met me before I start dating my current boyfriend (I actually love my boyfriend and will not leave him unless he screws things up between us but I would definitely be happier if my boyfriend was just as caring as Mr. B) and if only I could love him lol, I would definitely be with him right now…too bad, I feel like I am missing a golden opportunity because he is the type of guy who seems to be ‘ALWAYS READY TO DO ANYTHING FOR HIS DEAR LOVE!’.

Now if you all are wondering what was my reaction?? I calmly talked to him and explained to him that it is just not possible…and not because I am with someone else…. It’s just that I do not feel the same way about him the way he feels about me… he told me to think and give it a try…I won’t I know it can never work…I am not attracted to him that way at all…

Ok enough about Mr. B…Sorry I was not posting anything lately, I am so tired these days + I’ve had successful diets and am walking twice every day.  Today I ate nothing solid; I had 2 L of cold water, 3 mugs of coffee (with skimmed milk and no sugar) and will probably drink 1 L more of cold water after I reach home.  Besides walking more daily, I started doing a minimum of 60 crunches (10 reps at a time) and 50-100 jumping jacks.  I used to have sleeping problems before and now I am all knocked out and when I lay on my bed I feel like my poor body has been working 24hr without break…

Since you took some of you precious time to read all the crap I wrote, here is your reward… a good dose of thinspiration.

-=you CAN do it =- 

-=you CAN do it =- 

-=you CAN do it =- 

 -=you CAN do it =-  

-=you CAN do it =- 

 -=you CAN do it =-

 -=you CAN do it =- 

 

 -=you CAN do it =- 

 -=you CAN do it =-

 

 -=you CAN do it =- 

 -=you CAN do it =- 

 -=you CAN do it =- 

 -=you CAN do it =-

 -=you CAN do it =-

 

 -=you CAN do it =-

 

 -=you CAN do it =-

 -=you CAN do it =-

 -=you CAN do it =- 

 -=you CAN do it =-

XOXO

I feel good

I am so happy and proud of myself… I am literally like this cat below.  Starvation day successful ; ( I drank 1 cup of black coffee without sugar  which is like only coffee and water BUUURRRKk… ,  200 ml of Ceres Mango juice (100 cal), 1 multivitamin tablet and lots of cold water.  I do not eat after 4 pm and its 5pm so yay I got through the day + I am going to walk from office to home ( 4km; about 200 cal).  

New week, new decor, new hope for a new me.

I am loving white right now…so I am thinking of changing my blog AGAIN right after this post :P…hope you will like it.  This weekend has been really bad… Ate a LOT…and I dare not weight myself…  I won’t give up…  I will fight till I succeed even if sometimes  I stupidly end up sabotaging my own plans …even if sometimes I am my own enemy...  I WILL GET THERE…  so I am very hopeful for this week…  I am planning it simple – starvation.  I realized that it is worst to count every calorie, to constantly fear you ate too much than eating nothing at all…so to Hell with 300 cal 4 weeks challenge… Now my motto is ‘eat nothing except fruit…’

Faut souffrir pour etre belle ...

Faut souffrir pour etre belle means you have to suffer to be pretty or you can interpret it as Beauty does not come without suffering … nothing comes easy!... I maintained a good diet this week until yesterday when I decided that I will let go …and MAN I FUCKING LET GO…I think next week will be the starving week... If I have to suffer to be pretty …then make it quick I don’t want to suffer for long so I’ll just cut off all food and If I feel dizzy, I’ll drink coffee or green tea.or eat a little every 2 days so that people around me do not get suspicious.

I also read that every 2 jumping jacks makes you burn one calorie…well 1 cal does not make any difference…but 100 and above DOES…so I think I’ll start jumping jacks whenever I can; in the morning, in the toilets at work, before eating, after eating, before and after doing ANYTHING..lol…

You probably think I am going crazy…it’s just that I want to lose all that fucking weight and I and pretty pissed off that it is taking that much time…Anyways…I have to go to tuition today..I created a new page (stats and progress) I’ll be posting my photos and progress. Feel free to check it .

 XOXO

Let go

Today, I am going to let go...1 day break from diet and then I hit the gym tomorrow.

 XOXO.

Calories is all I can think of...

Before starting : I just created an account on twitter (though I find twitter a bit boring... but this is just MY point of view...it might change with time when I'll be used to it).  You can follow me if you want. https://twitter.com/Kamila_Jade.

I am obsessed with calories these days.  Before I eat anything, I lookup how much calories it will contain or if I really want to eat that food, i divide it into portions according to it's caloric content. I usually use calobonga.com to search for the caloric value in my food today I found this link http://www.calorieking.com try it ;when you search for food and you change the amount (from lets say 1 g to 50 g) it automatically shows you on the right side; how you can burn that amount while walking, jogging, swimming, cycling...

For today overall, it has been a successful day, I ate less than what I spent (188cal v/s 200 cal) but I am totally EXHAUSTED… even more than yesterday.  So  this will be all I am going to take a shower then off to bed.

Good night ladies and sweet dreams 

P.S.: I nearly forgot... Today I finally got confirmed...I am now a permanent employee (+ the raise aha) ok enough now zzzZZzZZZZZ

Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars…

Well, yesterday I was not too happy with my diet, so I said to myself (and on my previous Post) that I am going to starve today.  I skipped breakfast and for lunch  told my colleagues that I am stuck with some work and I’ll join them later.  When I showed up, I bought 1 small cup of sago and 1 salted crepe.  I ate the crepe slowly….like VERRRRYYYY slowly and for the sago I ate half that cup and continued afterwards. Even If I did not starve myself today, I did consume less than what I spent… Ah I am so proud of myself today.

All I am hoping is that my belly flattens at least 5 cm so that I am not embarrassed on 28^th April (the day I finally get my belly piercing).  

Some belly piercing thinspo for my lovely readers;

Ƹ̵̡*•.¸(*•.¸♥¸.•*´)¸.•*´

 

Ƹ̵̡*•.¸(*•.¸♥¸.•*´)¸.•*´

Ƹ̵̡*•.¸(*•.¸♥¸.•*´)¸.•*´ 

Ƹ̵̡*•.¸(*•.¸♥¸.•*´)¸.•*´ 

 

 Ƹ̵̡*•.¸(*•.¸♥¸.•*´)¸.•*´

Ƹ̵̡*•.¸(*•.¸♥¸.•*´)¸.•*´ 

 Ƹ̵̡*•.¸(*•.¸♥¸.•*´)¸.•*´

 Ƹ̵̡*•.¸(*•.¸♥¸.•*´)¸.•*´

 Ƹ̵̡*•.¸(*•.¸♥¸.•*´)¸.•*´

 Ƹ̵̡*•.¸(*•.¸♥¸.•*´)¸.•*´

 Ƹ̵̡*•.¸(*•.¸♥¸.•*´)¸.•*´

 Ƹ̵̡*•.¸(*•.¸♥¸.•*´)¸.•*´

Yesterday night I read about Felice Fawn (I first heard of her on AstoriaC's blog).  Sincerely I find her photos inspiring (because I was Very thin before a bit like her then I let go of myself and got huge; 78 kg (3 years of irresponsibility)).  She is starting to become great source of thinspiration for me (except for the shoes… I’m more stiletto type than platform)

I hope you did well too. XOXO